Whether I'm out with my friends or my family, splitting plates has been the norm for me, mostly because restaurants serve too much food. I'm not as picky as Inspector 37 about the size of the plate or how it's presented but I do appreciate it when it comes nicely split from the kitchen. It's better than eating half and throwing the rest. And more aesthetically pleasing than plonking a plastic doggy bag on the corner of the table.

I’ve been going out to dinner with essentially the same group of friends on a regular basis for more than 10 years. As a rule, we rarely “split the plate” on entrees, but we do share tastes. That involves anything from an uninvited skewering of something from someone else’s plate (obviously we’re very good friends), to passing plates around and putting a taste on our plates. On the few occasions that my friends have asked to split an entrée, we have not had a problem. Dessert is another story all together. We almost always ask for additional plates and forks when we order desserts, and have never had an issue. (I say “we,” but I like my dessert too much to share!)

I'm more likely to order an appetizer and/or salad these days instead of an entree, though when they look good, it's tempting, especially if it's the kind of thing that makes good leftovers. Bring on those doggy bags! However, I don't find a lot of times when someone wants the exact same thing I do to split.

Would that my appetite were smaller to allow me to indulge in sharing an entree, but alas -- I scarf up every single bit of my dinner, and friends who know me well know better than to even offer the suggestion.

I see no problem with asking to split an entree, even if it's a dish that doesn't lend itself well to splitting (for example, a pasta dish). However, in that case both diners should expect and be satisfied with a half portion. Splitting a dessert -- even among three of four people rather than just two -- has been accepted for so long that some servers automatically ask the question right after asking if you're interested in dessert. But asking to split something like soup or an appetizer is going too far; in fact it's tacky.

Also tacky: sharing from a buffet spread. It's a transparent way to get more food than what you're willing to pay for. I've seen signs posted at buffet tables that say "No sharing" or words to that effect, and in my opinion the restaurant is entirely justified in making this request.

While I don’t want you to think I’m splitting hairs over semantics, to make myself understood in this matter, I think that sharing my definitions will better enable me to make my point in this debate. Yes, the pun was intended! Sharing means to me that I’ll try some of yours and you try some of mine. Splitting means we’ll be splitting everything down the middle.

I have dined out with friends and family on many occasions and have often been served portions that are far too large to constitute a healthy lifestyle serving. In these instances, I usually eat too much (no surprise there) and bring home any leftover meat or dessert and sometimes bread if it’s exceptional.

Even if splitting/sharing was an option, what is the chance that any two (three or four) dining companions would want to eat the same thing when dining out anyway? Part of the allure of dining out, after all, is that we can each venture out of our normal dining zone and eat exactly what we want to eat. No compromises! Filet mignon for my wife, veal sweetbreads for me, pasta sautéed in butter and garlic for my daughter, and honey chicken for my son. At home, family meals never include meats or vegetables that one family member or more does not like. Family dinners are all about compromises. Therefore, dining out gives us the opportunity to eat foods that aren’t practical or possible in a family setting – for me that would be Brussels sprouts, fennel, lamb and pork to name only a few. Same goes for ethnicity. Only two people in my family like Indian food, so there are not a lot of opportunities for us to enjoy curried foods together.

That’s not to say I have never shared or split. I know of a restaurant that offers a lunch special that is so big, that to eat it by oneself would mean passing up the eponymous dessert that everyone comes here for. Another restaurant we go to for its chocolate lava cake which we share, only after sharing a giant appetizer plate (we can’t share the gargantuan burger because I like the meat medium, while my wife likes it with a consistency that is a little more like a hockey puck). We also like Chinese food – the original tapas restaurant where each dish is meant for sharing. Of course there are other small-plate restaurants or family-style eateries which lend themselves to shared eating as well.

While I seldom see a need to share or split a multi-course dinner with a friend or family member I would offer up the following tips for those who do:
(1) Determine whether you’re looking to share or to split – there is a difference! Sharing speaks to intimacy and adventure; splitting smacks of economy and cost cutting.
(2) Seek out restaurants that lend themselves naturally to sharing or splitting – places with family-style food service; small plate or tapas restaurants; or One, Two and sometimes Three Diamond restaurants. The Four and Five Diamond restaurants, if they’re doing it right, do not typically provide an overabundance of food, and to ask the chef to split the courses could adversely affect the presentations and esthetics of the finished product.
(3) I see very little inconvenience to restaurateurs when it comes to sharing. However, splitting is a different matter and I would not want to come across as overly demanding if I intended to split the food with my partner - remember that there is a cost involved with the extra dishes used, as well as more work and reduced tipping potential for the service staff. Not a particularly good incentive for the restaurant or staff! I would go as far as to suggest that this kind of request would probably be better received if it didn’t come during the busy meal service rush – in other words come early or late. And, if you are well served, being a little more generous with your gratuity might go a long way towards making restaurants more receptive to future requests of this sort. Certainly, if diner needs were trending in this direction, we would probably witness a positive response at more and more restaurants.
(4) If you just want smaller portions, many restaurants offer reduced or appetizer-size options. Just ask!

Every restaurant that I go to these days gives far more food than I can eat. And I just have a real problem leaving a large amount of food behind that I have paid for. My husband and I share when we both are not very hungry and I have no compunctions about sharing a plate with someone else. I do ask for an extra plate and I give a larger tip if I have asked for extra service. I have had restaurants that charged for sharing which really makes me aggravated. It is my plate of food, I am paying for it and I should be able to share if I want. However, I do not share soup or salad. That is going a little too far. I will share large desserts with anyone at the table. And I never share from a buffet. That is taking advantage of the restaurant. Oh, and I do ask for a doggy bag. My beagle appreciates good food.

Reading some of the comments, I wanted to share my experience in sharing soups.

When I go out with my family (my wife and our 5 year old daughter) we always share soups in addition to the entrees. When I order the soup I order two bowls of same kind and ask the waiter to split it into three, which at most places they do it very neatly. Once we split spoups with another family as well.

While sharing the entres, I ask for extra plates which gives us felxibility to split/share food any way we want it depending on our choices.